Well, hello! It’s me, again. Sixteen weeks, going on seventeen come Wednesday! (Love me some musicals, so had to give that musical nod). 😉 It’s been quite a few weeks since I last posted. I had a feeling this blog would end up being something that I would visit now and then, and I have been realistic in the sense that I don’t always follow through in my ‘journaling endeavors’. But it’s something that I can come back to, and that’s gotta count for something, right?
Let’s see, what has been happening the last few weeks. Hmm.. Well, first of all, I finally ended up telling my work that I was pregnant. And, it was terrifying. I imagine a lot of my anxiety was self-provoked, due to my eagerness and ambition to continue climbing my career ladder, but what I’ve realized throughout this whole experience is that it’s only as intense as you make it. Granted, I work in a work environment that’s pretty liberal focusing on human rights issues and behavior change with a female CEO who has two kids, but
As I unsuccessfully pushed back tears (thanks, hormones) and took a deep breath to break the news with my “I have something to share with you guys”, it dawned on me that my emotional response probably led them to believe that I was giving notice. I quickly reassured them that the news was good and that I was pregnant. I’m probably undermining how emotional I was, I was pretty emotional (haha) but thankfully I’m close with both of my bosses and it wasn’t an issue at all. All that anticipation quickly resolved itself into sheer, unconditional bliss, joy, and soooo many strong happy hugs. 🙂 Since then, I’ve been hyper-focused, planning for maternity leave and doing everything I can to prove that I am capable of being both working woman and mother. (Sheryl Sandberg, “Lean In”, here I come!!)
What I’ve learned throughout all of this, especially in this last month or so, is that women are kickass individuals. We have so much that we have to deal with – balancing bias and stereotypes in the workplace and our home lives, bearing children and navigating the beautifully complex and incredible experience of pregnancy, being a wife and a partner, and eventually, and come July… being a mother. There are times where I’ve felt like it’s unfair, unfair that we have to do it all. Unfair that we have to shoulder the burden of concern around workplace bias when we’re pregnant, unfair that even though I don’t feel like I doing anything at all, that I’m still making dinner, doing the dishes, tidying up the home and still finding time to paint my nails. Unfair that the millions upon millions of us women (and men) across the world have to march and fight for equality, love, and respect in the world. And then throughout all of it, I feel so unbelievably blessed to share this bond with so many incredibly strong women in the world who shoulder this burden with me.
We are strong. We are fierce. We are mighty. Despite the fears, despite our doubts, despite the tears of frustration or happiness or the tears of just being overwhelmed, it’s so worth it. It’s worth this journey. This ability to experience another dimension of life and humanity, to feel little waves in the middle of the night and think it might be my baby girl swimming about and saying “Hi, Mom!”, it’s worth it to know that every single bite I take or sip of water I drink, I know that I am nourishing my future daughter – a future female who will be showered with love, opportunity, and joy. I am SO grateful for all of it and would not trade it for the world.
So hello, almost week 17. I am woman, hear me roar.
PS it was a historic day yesterday with the women and men marching across the world for the Women’s March, on the heels of Trump becoming our new President. (I’ll save the tears and my sadness on that topic for later)… Here are some of my favorite pics from Harpers Bazaar. I, unfortunately, couldn’t march due to a funeral, but proud to share that my sisters, nephews, niece and so many amazing and incredible friends marched in my (and my little girl’s) honor.