Shower Day: Find the patch of sunshine and smile

Pregnancy Status: 31 weeks, 4 days
Currently: Soaking in a patch of sunshine on a rainy morning, anxiously awaiting my baby shower

It’s been quite some time since I last wrote in my blog. Time has been passing, sometimes achingly (pun intended) slow and yet here we are, less than 9 weeks away and I feel like the last 8 months have completely sped by. My Previa hasn’t completely resolved, however, the win that I’m currently holding onto is that my Previa has been re-named “low lying placenta” (WIN!) and we have approximately 23 more millimeters to move by my next appointment on May 11, which will be my 32-week check-in. At that point, we’ll have to schedule a c-section. Despite my internal resistance and the exhaustion coupled with trying to control something that is virtually outside of my control, I’ve pretty much given in at this point. Resorting to manifestations, visualizations, affirmations, and lots of positive thinking that I can only hope will have some type of small and nominal impact on my body. If c-section is on the horizon, then so be it. I’d be lying, however, if I didn’t feel cheated out of the experience of physically pushing and guiding my sweet daughter into this world though. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me that the doctor would have to administer shots at 37 weeks, if a c-section was the outcome, to help my daughter’s lung maturity.

But as I mentioned, I’m ok. I’m staying positive and grateful that my pregnancy has been pretty much brilliant otherwise. Slowly but surely we are making progress on baby P’s nursery. I bought some beautiful and bright punchy floral sheets for her crib and splashes of white are starting to brighten up the room, just as I had hoped. My husband and I have

My husband and I have become closer through our first class in a series of child-birthing classes. We laugh like we used to and the idea of us becoming parents together, while it’s sinking in and terrifying, also has us giddy with excitement and anticipating what this new chapter will look like – us experiencing something new and entirely profound together as husband and wife.

And today, on May 7, 2017, is my baby shower. The sky has decided to follow suit and shower us with sweet rain, nourishing the earth and cleansing the air of toxins. I have so much to be grateful for, throughout my pregnancy, but especially today. The outpouring of love and support for my husband and I throughout this experience has been humbling. It’s incredible to think of so many people loving a little human before she takes her very first breath into this world. It’s wonderful to imagine the human spirit as something so pure, especially when the innocence of a child is brought into this world. I feel honored and humbled.  We can’t control the sunshine on a day like today, just like I haven’t been able to control the outcome of whatever happens with my body as my pregnancy progresses. We do the best we can. We dress for the weather, we eat the right things, we bask in the sunshine when cloudy patches emerge and dissolve from the sky, we think positively and focus on the silver lining. Each cloud, each hurdle has its own and the magic and experience of discovering it is something I feel privileged to be a part of on this journey of mine.

Sweet baby girl, you are loved by so many. Your mom, your dad, your brother Jax included. You have countless friends, family members and loved ones waiting for your arrival and to lock eyes with your precious little soul. I cannot wait to immerse you today in this sacred experience and surround you with all the love that we have felt from day 1. And while the sunshine may feel intermittent, know that the showers will continue to pour down with love, support, strength and this beautiful chapter ahead.

Updated 6.18.17 to share a few pictures from my incredible shower. My heart has never been more full (outside of my wedding day AND the the soon to be arrival of our baby girl) 

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